Why We Self-Sabotage (and How to Stop Doing it)
Self-sabotage is something we all do because we don’t feel worthy of feeling amazing. How could we? The world is full of war, hatred, racism, poverty, greed, and grief…why should we be allowed to feel good?
It’s a noble idea, a way of furthering empathy for other humans, and it makes perfect sense to want to feel bad on behalf of others. But why do we think feeling bad is helping anyone? People who are suffering do not want to suffer any longer. So if you are the cause of your own suffering, why would you choose to continue to do it?
Because we’re trained to think it’s the right thing to do: to play down our talents, to stay small, to remain unnoticed, to only take a small piece of the pie, to prove we’ve worked hard for what we have, to make sure we aren’t taking something away from someone else.
Noble, but not helpful.
If this self-sabotage is showing up in one area of your life it’s going to affect all of the other parts too. Although we may try to compartmentalize our home lives from our work lives, or our family relationships from our work relationships; we are whole humans who will never really successfully keep one thing separate from the other.
When we can align all parts of ourselves, and give ourselves the permission to feel good, that’s when things that we’ve struggled with, things that have made us feel stuck, start to fall into place.
When you sleep well, for 8 full hours, you feel great right? Energized, rested, strong, creative, and flexible; studies show that getting enough sleep increases immunity, lowers stress, and helps you get along better with people. So why do we sometimes stay up late binge-watching Netflix? Why do we stay out with friends drinking only to wake up feeling tired and sick to our stomachs? If we know sleeping for 8 hours will make us feel better why do we choose to make ourselves feel worse?
When you start exercising each day, when you start to see some muscle definition, when you feel less stressed and more energized, why when your in-laws come to town do you completely abandon your exercise routine?
When you take a vacation from work and start to reassess your priorities, making changes to your routine that make you feel good, why then when you go back to work do you stop focusing on those priorities and fall into the trap of not having enough time for yourself?
We self-sabotage because we don’t believe we deserve to feel good. We don’t think we deserve to put ourselves first, above work or above our in-law’s needs to take care of ourselves. We feel anxiety about the other shoe dropping and want to prepare ourselves for the worst-case scenario (which often never comes).
These stories sabotage the routines that keep us feeling aligned and the best version of ourselves.
So how do we stop?
Give yourself completely manageable daily goals that will build your confidence and make you feel good. Like 5 minutes of movement for 7 days straight.
Remind yourself that when you feel energized you do things that are helpful to others. You can’t be a good friend, a trusted colleague, or a volunteer in the community when you have depleted yourself.
Figure out a way to stick to your routine when people come to your house and take up space. Could you take a walk outside?
If you’d like to learn how to create rituals and routines that feel good to you, that add more fun to your life and keep you aligned so that you can finally stop self-sabotaging, consider joining my 30 day Body, Mind, Spirit, Work Reset. I will teach you how to create a ritual and routine that leads to a reset of your life, of your Body, Mind, Spirit, Work, forever. And every time you feel off, you’ll be able to use routine and ritual to up level and start a whole new path.
The Body Mind Spirit Work Reset registration opens again in June, 2023.
